Important

 

Fabric and patterns galore

 

Artist in background

How grandchildren perceive their grandparents

1. I was in the bathroom, putting on my makeup, under the watchful eyes of my young granddaughter, as I'd done many times before. After I applied my lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 72. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.

"What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I really think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6." (WOW! I really like this one -- it says I'm only '38'!)

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and whenever we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

2021 New Years Resolution

Ode to Sewing Machines #30

 Many of you follow my "Ode to the Sewing Machine" posts.  We've all seen the ads on craigslist, ebay and elsewhere.  The clueless sellers give those of us who sew a belly laugh, or two!

No one in their right minds would continue reading, but who says quilters are in their right minds, so here's installment #30...

"Really nice"   I'd say it's "Eww"

This one was on FB Marketplace.  I'm sure she has people 

running right over there for this one!

The seller has had this one for sale for 17 weeks.  It's no wonder,

we don't know the brand and the only picture is the back of the machine.

Update: Sept. 1, it has now been for sale 25 weeks and still no takers.

True Story

Ode to Sewing Machines #27

Many of you follow my "Ode to the Sewing Machine" posts.  We've all seen the ads on craigslist, ebay and elsewhere.  The clueless sellers give those of us who sew a belly laugh, or two!

No one in their right minds would continue reading, but who says quilters are in their right minds, so here's installment #27...

This seller actually misspelled the word twice in this ad

May they rest in peace:

Just had to post this!

Your participles are danglin', honey

I had the pleasure of reading several resumes this week. [sarcasm]
Some were better than others on the entertainment spectrum.  R U gettin' me?

Each person wanted feedback on their resume.  I gave them a link to this fabulous video:



Now, if only I could write the word 'weird' without having to 
first visualise it as "i before e" every time!

Just sayin'...

And now we know

Funny for today

Ode to sewing machines #23

Many of you follow my "Ode to the Sewing Machine" posts.  We've all seen the ads on craigslist, ebay and elsewhere.  The clueless sellers give those of us who sew a belly laugh, or two!

Hand held!  What will they think of next?

Ode to the sewing machine #22

Many of you follow my "Ode to the Sewing Machine" posts.  We've all seen the ads on craigslist, ebay and elsewhere.  The clueless sellers give those of us who sew a belly laugh, or two!

Tetanus shot needed just to look at the poor thing.

What in tarnation is a kick foot?  

And is that a bungee cord for a belt???

Doorbell ringer

WARNING!  If someone comes to your door telling you they are from the government and they're checking to see how bad the ticks are in your area, and then tell you to take off your clothes and dance around so they can check for ticks.... DON'T DO IT!!! This is a scam! They just want to see you naked! I wish someone had told me this yesterday, I feel so stupid.

Ode to the Sowing Machine #20

Many of you follow my "Ode to the Sewing Machine" posts.  We've all seen the ads on craigslist, ebay and elsewhere.  The clueless sellers give those of us who sew a belly laugh, or two!

I think they may have inhaled a few of those chemicals.

  

Poetic justice!

I was following this $70,000 SUV this morning and thought I'd take a pic.

The message on the back window is a little blurred. The acronym is G.R.E.A.T. which stands for
Gang Resistance Education And Training. It's a $70,000 SUV with tricked out wheels
(not seen in this shot), the kind pimps and drug dealers buy,
bright chrome wheels that keep spinning while you sit in traffic.

Ode to the Sewing Machine #19

Many of you follow my "Ode to the Sewing Machine" posts.  We've all seen the ads on craigslist, ebay and elsewhere.  The clueless sellers give those of us who sew a belly laugh, or two!

Better run right over there!

For cat lovers everywhere